The Way Through a Triggered Moment
When you’re triggered, it rarely feels like a good moment to “do the work.”
Your body is activated. Your nervous system is on high alert. Your thoughts may feel urgent, narrow, or loud. You might want to fix, defend, withdraw, explain, or escape.
So let’s start with something simple and essential:
Working with triggers happens in two different moments.
And each moment has a different goal.
In the triggered moment: the goal is safety, space, and stabilization.
After the wave has passed: the goal is understanding, processing, and integration.
Confusing these two often leads to frustration or self-criticism. Honoring both is what actually creates change.
Part 1: When You Are In It
(Stabilizing the nervous system)
In the middle of a triggered moment, your nervous system is doing its job: trying to protect you. This is not the time to analyze your childhood, find the perfect words, or fix the pattern.
The goal here is much simpler and much kinder:
Create a little more safety, a little more space, and a little more choice.
1. Name what’s happening
Gently, internally:
“Something in me is activated.”
Not:
“I’m a mess.”
“Here I go again.”
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
Just:
“A part of me is here right now.”
This small shift already reduces shame and brings a bit more of you back online.
2. Support the body first
Triggers live in the nervous system, so the body needs help before the mind can follow.
You might try one or two of these:
Slow your exhale slightly longer than your inhale
Feel your feet on the floor or your back against the chair
Look around and name three things you can see
Gently press your hands together or onto your thighs
You’re not trying to “calm down.”
You’re helping your body register: This is now. I’m here. I’m safe enough.
3. Take space if you need to
Sometimes the most regulated choice is:
Pausing the conversation
Stepping outside
Saying, “I need a few minutes”
Coming back to this later
This isn’t avoidance. It’s nervous system wisdom.
4. Add compassion if it’s available
Even something very simple can help:
“This makes sense.”
“Something in me is having a hard time.”
“I don’t have to solve this right now.”
In the triggered moment, less is more.
You’re not here to process. You’re here to get through.
And that is already meaningful work.
Part 2: After the Wave Has Passed
(Processing and making meaning)
Only once you’re no longer strongly activated does a different kind of work become possible.
This is the phase of:
Reflection
Curiosity
Understanding
And integration
A gentle and effective way to approach this is in three steps:
meditation → journaling → therapy.
Each one supports a different layer of healing.
1. Start with meditation: listening before interpreting
Before trying to explain or analyze what happened, it can help to turn toward your experience with presence.
A few minutes of gentle, non-demanding meditation or mindful awareness can help you:
Notice what’s still lingering in your body
Sense which emotions or parts are nearby
Stay with your experience without being overwhelmed
Rebuild a feeling of internal safety and space
This doesn’t have to be formal or long. It doesn’t even need to be a sitting meditation - youcould do it while taking a walk or doing the laundry. It might look like:
Sitting quietly and feeling your breath
Noticing sensations in your body with curiosity
Placing a hand on your chest or belly and checking in
Letting whatever is there be there, without needing to fix it
The intention here is simple: to listen before you interpret.
Often, this alone brings a little more clarity and softness.
2. Then use journaling: giving shape to the experience
Once you’ve created some inner space, journaling can help you put words to what you noticed.
Not to judge or fix—but to explore and understand.
You might write with prompts like:
What happened just before I got triggered?
What did I notice in my body?
What did I feel pulled to do or say?
How old does this reaction feel?
What might this part of me be afraid of?
What does it seem to be trying to protect me from?
What does it need from me now?
You can also try writing from the part itself:
“I get activated when…
I’m trying to protect you from…
What I really want you to understand is…”
This isn’t about getting the “right” answer.
It’s about creating a relationship with what got activated instead of pushing it away.
Your journal becomes a bridge between the experience and deeper understanding.
3. Then bring it into therapy: letting it be held and untangled
Finally, this is where therapy becomes especially powerful.
You don’t need to arrive with a neat story or a clear conclusion. Some of the most useful things to bring are:
“This keeps happening and I don’t know why.”
“This part feels young or intense.”
“I notice this pattern in relationships.”
“I wrote this after I got triggered and something about it feels important.”
In therapy, these experiences can be:
Gently explored
Put into a bigger context
Worked with at the level of the nervous system, memory, and parts
And slowly updated, unburdened, and integrated
Triggers show us exactly where the work wants to happen.
Therapy gives you a space where you don’t have to do that work alone.
Two moments. Three supports. One path.
First, in the triggered moment, you focus on safety and stabilization.
Later, you turn toward the experience through meditation, journaling, and therapy.
Over time, this changes your relationship to your triggers:
You recognize them sooner
You recover more gently
You understand yourself more deeply
And you have more choice in how you respond
Healing isn’t about never getting triggered again.
It’s about meeting yourself with more presence, more compassion, and more space when you are.
First, you get through the moment.
Then, you learn from the moment.
And that is, truly, the way through.
