What is trauma?
We often think of trauma as something that happens “out there”—to soldiers, survivors of violence, or people who’ve lived through natural disasters. While those are certainly traumatic experiences, trauma is not limited to those moments. Trauma can be any experience that overwhelms your ability to cope, leaves you feeling unsafe or powerless, and continues to affect your mind, body, and relationships long after the event has passed.
Big T and small t trauma
Clinicians sometimes distinguish between “Big T” trauma and “small t” trauma.
Big T trauma refers to events that are clearly overwhelming: accidents, assaults, abuse, war, disasters. These experiences can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), with symptoms like flashbacks, hypervigilance, and nightmares.
Small t trauma may not be life-threatening but can still leave deep marks. Growing up in a home where you didn’t feel seen or safe, being bullied, experiencing repeated microaggressions, or facing chronic stress at work or in relationships—these experiences can quietly shape how you see yourself and the world.
All of us carry some of these smaller traumas. They may not look dramatic from the outside, but they shape our nervous systems, our beliefs, and how we relate to others.
Complex and developmental trauma
Beyond single-event trauma, there are also experiences that happen over time.
Complex trauma often comes from ongoing or repeated harm, such as chronic abuse or neglect.
Developmental trauma refers to the wounds that come from childhood environments where safety, consistency, or attunement were missing.
These types of trauma can also lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, though it may look different from what most people imagine. Instead of flashbacks to a single event, PTSD related to complex or developmental trauma often shows up as chronic anxiety, difficulty regulating emotions, feeling disconnected from the body, or struggles in relationships.
Authors like Judith Herman have written about the impact of long-term trauma on identity and connection. Bessel van der Kolk has shown how trauma lives in the body as much as in the mind. Peter Levine has highlighted the role of the nervous system in trauma and healing. Gabor Maté emphasizes how trauma shapes our health and behavior, often showing up in ways we don’t immediately recognize—as stress, addiction, or illness.
Each perspective adds to our understanding that trauma is not only about what happened, but about how it continues to live inside us.
Trauma shapes us—but doesn’t define us
Many of us are, in part, the result of the experiences we’ve been through. Trauma can leave behind patterns of hypervigilance, self-criticism, avoidance, or emotional numbing. It’s not about weakness—it’s the brain and body doing their best to protect us.
Healing doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means making sense of what happened, integrating those experiences into the story of your life, and loosening their grip on the present. The goal is not to forget, but to reclaim your sense of safety, choice, and connection.
Evidence-based approaches to working with trauma
There are several therapeutic approaches supported by research and practice:
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) — helps the brain reprocess “stuck” memories so they lose their painful intensity.
IFS (Internal Family Systems) — supports you in meeting and caring for the different “parts” of yourself that carry pain or protect you.
Somatic therapies — such as Somatic Experiencing, focus on releasing trauma that is held in the body.
Trauma-focused CBT — can help reframe negative beliefs and reduce distress around traumatic memories.
Different modalities work for different people. What matters most is finding a safe, nonjudgmental relationship with a therapist and an approach that supports your own process of integration and growth.
Trauma is part of being human, but it doesn’t have to define your life. By making sense of your experiences, honoring how they shaped you, and learning new ways of relating to yourself and others, it’s possible to carry them differently—with more freedom, compassion, and connection.
Curious about working with trauma? Schedule a free consultation to explore whether EMDR, IFS, or another approach may be right for you.
